Please

Yesterday was probably our worst day. I wouldn't call it a fight, but definitely an argument (if you feel, like I do, that there is a difference)--something we've really never had to deal with before and something that made me feel like I was breaking in two.

I understand that it sounds insincere when I say I can't help it. That I can't control how needy I am these days, or my heightened expectations, or the reassurance I crave. I know I've always seemed stronger than this and I want to believe, as I'm often reminded, that I should be able to alter my flawed thinking in these situations and will myself to feel better.

But when you're stuck in a hole sometimes it's hard to see over the edge.

I'm depressed here. I have no friends and I have no job. I have no idea where anything is or what I like or where to go. I know it takes time to develop these things. I understand that and I expected it. But that doesn't make it any less frustrating. I hate that every trip out of the house has to be a pre-planned endeavour for me. I hate that when I know I should be taking a break from it all, collecting my thoughts and getting some outside insight, all I can do is phone a friend or type away at an email--there's no one else here for me to talk to.

So I need extra everything. Extra support and care. Extra comfort and confidence. I know it's a lot to ask. But I'm asking.