My, My, How Far We've Flown

It's quite odd to go from pining over someone daily to being inundated with them daily. Everything is going perfectly between Jeremy and I thus far. I knew it would be a little difficult, and we talked over the potential problems months prior to my relocation.

I don't have any non-Jeremy-provided friends here yet and I'm still unemployed. I'm spending all my days job hunting, save for an hour or two at the gym where you would be totally out of line to even think about speaking to me, which means in the evenings, it's Jeremy and I. And on the weekends, it's Jeremy and I. Sometimes we throw in the roommate or a soon-to-be mutual friend, but by and large it's solely us two peas in our new Houston pod.

We haven't driven each other insane yet. Maybe irked one another now and again, but after eleven months of being apart and missing each other, I figure our tolerance is pretty high. But living together certainly changes things.

Most obviously to me is the feeling that we can never go back. I've never succeeded in backtracking in a relationship; that whole "let's slow down, let's go back to the way things were" conversation has never worked. So where do you go from here? I've always asked myself that, but now things are a little more immediate.

And I can't help but feel like some aspect of passion is lost when you go from seeing each other only on stolen weekends and special occasions to waiting around for your partner to return from work daily and dealing with all the realities and responsibilities together that you overlooked for two or three days when you were together in months past.

Everything seems a bit less urgent now; we'll wake up next to one another tomorrow and our next dinner won't be the last we share for the season. It was exciting and novel and overwhelming to feel that way last year. But the first morning he was gone, or the next dinner I ate alone, was crushing. It was a cloud that settled over me for days on end, a fog I couldn't emerge from for what seemed like ages.

So I may miss the feeling of greeting Jeremy at the arrivals gate or being held by him for the first time in months, but I love having a hand to hold and a listening ear (almost) any time I want it. We can't go back, but I'm perfectly happy with where we're at.